“It’s a Petite Syrah.”
It looks good. May I have a sip? Maybe I’ll order the same
thing.”
“Why don’t we get a second glass from the waitress and I’ll
happily share.”
“Do you have a cold?”
“Not at all. I have food allergies. I’m
severely allergic to nuts and fish. If you take a sip of my wine and say, you
ate salmon today, I could be in trouble when I then take a sip after you.”
“Wow. I did have salmon for lunch and some cashews this
afternoon. I’ll just order what you’re having. So, what else should I know
about your food allergies?
**
Natural openings to have The Talk about
your dietary needs in a clear and confident way happen all the time. Even on a
date with someone new. And you can make it an easy part of the conversation.
This vignette happened just before Christmas with a new guy.
He asked to take me out to dinner for our first date so I suggested a restaurant
that I’d been to often. I know this resto group has a food allergen policy in
place and the food is yummy. (It was 5 Napkin Burger and here’s my list of
other NYC spots.) I had arrived early and ordered a glass of wine.
That glass of wine gave him an entre to share something with me – my taste
in wine. Also, it’s an intimate act to share food or drink with someone so by asking to share my glass he
was showing me his romantic interest as well – both clear signals.
I didn’t want to shoot down those signals but as I do need
to keep myself safe, I opted for a
“Yes, let’s share” option that was still safe for me – a second glass.
He took what could have felt like a rebuff, “I don’t want to
share my glass with you”, and asked for more information: "Do you have
germs? Is that why you don’t wish to share?"
This was a perfect chance to reassure him that I don’t have
germs and, generally, I’m happy to share. My version of sharing included a new piece of
information: I have a serious
medical need which necessitate some extra steps for my safety and I’m clear on
how to execute those steps.
He received that information as it was intended and after that
one sentence he now understood that drinking from my glass was out and that in
order to move forward with me on an intimate level, he needed more information
about my medical needs.
Such a simple seeming conversation but the transaction was
deep.
Next up: he asks to cook me dinner (and I let him).
**
Have you had The Talk lately with someone new?
4 comments:
Great tips. Thanks for sharing!
I love reading your dating posts! You are so clear and unapologetic, yet never rude about explaining your allergies. A great example of how to turn what could be an uncomfortable situation into a perfectly natural one!
I recently started dating again and just had this talk a couple of weeks ago, for the first time in years. We were talking about Tim Horton's new espresso-based beverages (apparently a hot topic in Canada). With my dairy/egg allergies the only things on their menu that I can have are black coffee and tea. So, I took the opportunity to bring it up and he asked me about safe coffee shops I do frequent. Easy peasy.
When the hundred and I were dating, I took a drink of his pop after he had eaten a snickers bar. Needless to say, my gigantic, swollen lips clued him in to just how dangerous my food allergies can be.
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